Aim high, ride easy, trust the Universe

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Have you ever found yourself lost well after the fact? Like your aimless driving was actually heading in a direction until, well, it wasn’t!

I had something like that happen to me recently. I didn’t realise how off track I was with something / someone and now I can’t believe the distance we’ve travelled. The small gaps I noticed but excused away have all of a sudden become a chasm and it seems non-sensical. If I’m honest I knew that it was happening and, sporadically, I would try to reconnect but soon - sooner than I really understood - it become easier not to, apparently. It wasn’t a conscious choice but it was a choice nonetheless.

For my non-horsey friends here’s the ‘yawn’ part! I was riding today and my horse did this ‘thing’ - he often does it and I carry on obliviously. Today I didn’t. I immediately corrected it and, no surprise, it  changed everything (for today's ride anyhow).

That old saying ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’ echoed in my mind but I was left thinking - well why now? What made it happen today?

The truth is I don’t know. I don’t know why I hear certain things time and again but don’t implement them. I don’t know why I let things slip. I don’t know why I got lost, and probably will again. I don't know why I didn't correct my course when I knew I was lost. I just don't know. But what I do know, and what I think matters, is that I found my way again - well at least I’m no longer lost and that counts - right?

 

 

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I was thinking about how random life can be. How each of our days are made up of moments and, unless we stop to connect the dots, they get lost and before we know it's another year and another life

A friend of mine - an old friend (not old in her years - or mine for that matter - but old in how long we've known each other) was injured the day before yesterday.  We're both horse riders and, for the most part, supremely blessed not to have had major injuries to date (considering that horses are pretty large animals) But she was hurt, and badly so.

I know she's looking back on life - things - moments - and appreciating how blessed she is (despite the screws and wires; broken teeth and bones) but she's here.

What is it about youth that makes us careless and age that makes us cautious? Actually I don't think that cautious is the right word I think it's 'aware'. Age offers us the opportunity to understand life's lessons whereas youth just swallows them and moves on without the necessary appreciation of the knowledge we've just garnered.

In my youth I struggled with melancholy choosing to listen to sad songs and crying big tears of not knowing. As I gathered the years I replaced the tears with smiles, the sad songs with happy ones and the 'not knowing' with understanding.

It started with being in the moment, connecting the dots and seeing the bigger picture of life because its our dreams that make our stories and what are we without those?

 

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We have been accepted onto a mentorship programme - by we I mean our small business - which I'm very proud of! And a couple of weeks ago we joined the induction programme with a range of interesting people with their own agendas but all with a deep commitment to seeing things differently.

One of the facilitators charged us with writing down both the challenges and the jubilations of being our own-bosses; it was a fun but ultimately eye-opening experience when we realised that we all experience the same or at least similar highs and lows and, if we're brave or bold enough, we can view the peaks and valleys differently by choosing to do so.

Towards the end of the evening a video, by National Geographic photographer Dewitt Jones, was shared with us and it was glorious. I'm a sucker for motivational words and thoughts, this was no exception but the main principle is something that I'm taking with me into my day to day and that is 'celebrate what's right with the world'.

When we focus on being the best for the World and not in the World we really can transform the ordinary into the extraordinary - the right vision keeps us open to possibility so here's to celebrating everything that is right.

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Faith is hard to find, in however you define faith. My faith is not born from an upbringing of religion or a certain affliction to one denomination, mine is born of a learned belief that everything will 'be alright in the end'. I'm not sure when I learnt to trust myself and please know that I have ongoing dialogue around that trust but I do - trust myself that is.

My beloved housekeeper drew my attention to something that bothers her about me just the other day (I love her for that - amongst other things - because she reminds me that being truly authentic takes daily reflection); she made me realise that in my independence I can sometimes hurt the people I love the most, even if that hurt is unintentional.

This evening I finished a 'feel good' book whose ultimate outline was that sometimes we just need to believe in order to see and it resonated so deeply with me because it's true (for me). Not having a spiritual guiding in my younger life led me on all sorts of journeys around what made sense to me, a journey that I hope will never end. Currently where I sit is that we're all energy and, as such, we deely affect and effect each other - nothing is random.

I am utterly loved in my life not least of which is because I truly love - and on goes the list of things I can appreciate and, for which, I'm immensly grateful. I read something today which I embrace; "you cannot find what you have been struggling for but you can create it and the jump-start of creation is gratitude.

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That's me - at times - the pieces part I mean. I know it was the title of a book that was then tarnished but it's still a good description - does it describe all of us? Do you feel like some mornings you wake up, figure out what day it is and then put yourself back together? Or maybe we're just constantly building ourselves - using what was learned yesterday, making ourselves just that little bit more unique than the day before.

The other day a friend gave me a tip on how to enhance memory in our increasing age and I jumped at it because, what I fear the most about growing old is losing mine. A couple of dear family friends seem to be lurking around in the dementia halls and whilst they seem utterly delighted with life I can't help but remember (good sign) what they were like before - the sharp wit and delightful stories of lives well lived. They still live life well, just differently.

And then I read this article about what you can garner from your 40s and, as I'm wandering around in this territory, the title got my attention. All the points rang true around caring less what other people think, finding your feet and being bold enough to follow those feet but it doesn't mention the pieces. Having traversed three decades and now into my fourth there are things we all care about - memory, love, relationships, life lessons, change, happiness, integrity, making a difference and the list goes on - but what continues to strike me is that we all have a mantle. It doesn't matter how shiny our lives look from the outside when we're alone, the reality isn't the show reel.

Sure we can learn lessons from each other - assuming of course we're willing to learn - but we still have to face our fears. Perhaps your fears and mine are cut from the same cloth but it doesn't make it any less tangible?

For most of us fear plays a roll in our lives, perhaps a considered companion. Mine is, for the most part, quietly contained in the corner of my mind but at times, not . To fear and her follies, this morning I pieced myself together, I knew the day, my purpose and my passions and along you came with your dark eyes and sneering smile and, just like that, tried to dismantle me from what day it is, who I am and what I was doing to begin with.

Then I remind myself - it's about getting up every day and doing what we do, putting ourselves back together and - within our sphere of influence - making today matter. One of my favourite authors said in her latest TED talk that all we need to do, every day, is put your head down and perform with diligence, devotion, respect and reverence whatever the task is that love is calling forth from you next and everything will be okay.

I agree. Everything will be okay.

 

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We're not parent's to two-legged beings but we have dogs and cats (I'm not one for the 'fur-kids' thing!) but we consider ourselves a family - the grinch (the not-so-tongue-in-cheek reference to my significant other) and I. Anyhow this post isn't about words it's about our dogs and cats who are lucky to have the grinch as their dad. Happy Fathers day one and all.

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I understand that death isn't finite. I get that whilst we can't see our lost people they are still there. I also get that our intellect and our emotions don't always meet at the same time.

Harry, my Jack Russell, died a short while ago and I still find myself echoing around his space. We have a busy and small house but he has left a big gaping hole of energy. This quote, from The Life of Pi resonated with me: "He left me so unceremoniously it broke my heart I have to believe there was more than my own reflection staring back at me. I know it. I felt it. Even if I can't prove it. In the end I suppose the whole of life becomes a letting go".

On most days I weigh up that, as an emotional person, heart and head don't always meet in the middle so I go for an average. Some days I'm bat s..t crazy (Thanks Tobes) and other days I'm perfectly measured but it all comes out in the wash - I look for the overall in everything, that the good outweighs the bad. It's just perspective, right? It's just how we see things?

Let's be clear here - I'm not wandering around in pitty-ville wringing my hands at how hard my life is. I'm talking about a pet. Some of my closest and dearest friends are, on a daily basis, dealing with far bigger elements like losing their life-partner, serious illness, decisions that seem insurmountable - there is simply no comparison.

I'm not measuring grief/ doubt or crippling indecision though I simply saying that it has to be acknowledged in whatever small, messy or unplanned manner. So if you're sad - for whatever reason, big or small, know that I am too (if that helps!) Not right now - but I will be. Again. And then it will be OK. Again. Because it is, always, OK. If we choose it that way.

"... in the end I suppose the whole of life becomes a letting go ..."

Here's to letting go.

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You are a unicorn and all this time, you have been trying to be a horse. You very carefully hid your horn every time you stepped in the room, pretending that you were more horse-like and able to do horse-like things but what you were really doing was repressing the best parts of you. It’s simple: unicorns are unicorns and horses are horses. One can’t be like the other—it just doesn’t work that way. When you hide who you are, truly, madly, deeply, at the core of your being and try to fit into some other idea of you, you start to dull; you shine less. Your horn starts to lose it’s power because it’s not being infused with everything it needs to stay alive and before you know it, your heart is crumpling in your hands. Accelerate through the mess in this world. You are a unicorn.

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