Aim high. Ride easy. Trust the Universe.

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My very very very best friend got hijacked yesterday and it took that to make me realise she's my very very very best friend. I don't want to be that person - the one who has an ephiphany because of a shock but in this instance I am.

I've always fought against titles, famously saying 'Just call me Alex and pay me double' when someone else was responsible for my salary. The title of girlfriend, best friend, any friend always seems to rub up against me. I've bucked against the idea that a relationship needs to have a definition in order to give it the space needed and I still believe that.

But all at the same time there comes a time when you need to just pick - something, someone, some direction and throw yourself all in. And this is that time.

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in Thoughts 73

"...Life is such a curious dichotomy. I don't think I understand it any more clearly than I ever did I just ride the storm a little more gracefully; feast and famine are part of the patchwork that is slowly sewing the quilt that will, I suppose, tell my life story.

I get it wrong, stumbling and falling with the "getting up" often messy and awkward but I'm up again. All the while my loves are running their own race and, more often, I find myself falling into their footsteps, running every so calmly with them until one of our paths digress and we're running alone again.

Living your own life is frightening and most of the time, if we're honest, we're lost. But here's the thing - living any other way is a wasted life. I am who I am because of the loves in my life. The people who see all of me and love me anyway"..

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in Thoughts 205

I will never be a well behaved woman.
I would rather pass my days lying in the middle of dirt roads, staring at the full moon with a bottle of summer red in my palms.
I would rather have kids when it suits me, not when society expects or throws shoulds.
I would rather stretch my spirit and live like my soul means it.
I would rather own moments, than investments.
I would rather eat alone, than sit with women who bore me at “Wives’ Night.”
I would rather swim naked with bioluminescence, have it fall like fireflies from my hair, my breasts, my back.
I would rather do handstands naked in the moonlight when no one’s watching than pick bridesmaid dresses.
I would rather drink seven year old rum from a sandy bottle, smell of smoke and ash than sit in church.
I would rather learn from life than rack up debt, in a desk.
I would rather drink the ocean, again and again—celebrate being madly alive.
I would rather my love be defined by love itself, and nothing more or less.
I don’t need a ring on my finger to prove that I am in love.
I do not need a degree to prove that I am intelligent.
I have my own approval.
My savings account has diddly to do with my richness.
I build my own box.
I will take a job I love and freedom over a pension, any day.
I will not work and work and work to live when my body is old and I am tired.
Stocks are for people who get boners from money.
Not everyone should have kids, and my eggs aren’t expiring.
I will not drink the societal Kool-Aid on a bus, nor will I drink it on a train.
Not on a plane, with a goat, in the rain, in the dark, in a tree, with a fox, in a box!
I will not jump through societies’ hoops and red tape, the treasure hunt in the rat race we chase.
If we must have milestones—mine will be measured by how much joy I have collected at the end of each day and how often in this life I have truly, deeply, opened.
Seek, see, love, do.

~ Janne Robinson

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in Thoughts 298

Dan Pallotta's extradinary TED talk is bold in the extreme; standing up there amongst peers and people bearing his soul whilst encouraging us to step into the same space is inspirational. Some of his words are too powerful not to share here:

"...I'm talking about dreaming as boldly in the dimension of our being as we do about industry and technology. I'm talking about an audacious authenticity that allows us to cry with one another, a heroic humility that allows us to remove our masks and be real. It is our inability to be with one another, our fear of crying with one another, that gives rise to so many of the problems we are frantically trying to solve in the first place, from Congressional gridlock to economic inhumanity.

Now, we're all here to dream, but maybe if we're honest about it, each of us chasing our own dream. You know, looking at the name tags to see who can help me with my dream, sometimes looking right through one another's humanity. I can't be bothered with you right now. I have an idea for saving the world. Right?

Imagine living in a world where we simply recognize that deep, existential fear in one another and love one another boldly because we know that to be human is to live with that fear. It's time for us to dream in multiple dimensions simultaneously, and somewhere that transcends all of the wondrous things we can and will and must do lies the domain of all the unbelievable things we could be..."

Watch his full talk, it is time well spent.

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in Thoughts 640
"I heard the news today that you’re not mine to keep.....I heard the news today that you’re not mine to save."
 
I first heard the words to this amazing song watching this even more breathtaking video about a man and his dog. Anything to do with animals gets me but this was an extraordinary tribute from a man who knew all about adversity and still wasn’t dissuaded from embracing life and taking his dog along for every ride possible. It was a big bold life he led but the video was simple in its message, love the ones who love you and when they walk through the door, even if it's five times a day, you should go totally insane with joy.
 
I live a big life in many ways mostly in the amount of love that I have in it - I am blessed with an enigmatic family who love passionately (if not somewhat strangely at times) and as blessed by a close collection of very special girlfriends - all of them unique (obviously) but pulled together by one thing - love - for me, for themselves, for each other (in some cases).
 
Our lives are inextricably linked - some through a shared and long history of stories woven into adulthood; others bursting into my life more recently with energy, vigour and a deep sense of meaning but none less or more important. All of them form the intricate web of my daily life, each of them bringing me back to me, back to them again and again.
 
But with such depth can, sometimes, come great sadness when we hurt - either on our own or collectively. Whether the hurt is with them or with something outside of us - it’s hurt nonetheless. But of all the hurts I think the most complicated is when you’re on the outside looking in. The feeling of losing something that’s so important to you - as our friendships are - and no amount of being there or showing up (however perfectly or imperfectly) can shift it. And you have to let it go - not the person but the belief that you can journey this with them because, at the end of the day, we’re all alone even if we’re altogether in that too.
 
That moment of letting go is never said more profoundly than in this quote from Life of Pi: 

 

“He left me so unceremoniously it broke my heart. I have to believe there was more than my own reflection staring back at me. I know it. I felt it. Even if I can’t prove it. In the end, I suppose, the whole of life becomes a letting go."
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in Thoughts 298