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The tears in her eyes

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"I heard the news today that you’re not mine to keep.....I heard the news today that you’re not mine to save."
 
I first heard the words to this amazing song watching this even more breathtaking video about a man and his dog. Anything to do with animals gets me but this was an extraordinary tribute from a man who knew all about adversity and still wasn’t dissuaded from embracing life and taking his dog along for every ride possible. It was a big bold life he led but the video was simple in its message, love the ones who love you and when they walk through the door, even if it's five times a day, you should go totally insane with joy.
 
I live a big life in many ways mostly in the amount of love that I have in it - I am blessed with an enigmatic family who love passionately (if not somewhat strangely at times) and as blessed by a close collection of very special girlfriends - all of them unique (obviously) but pulled together by one thing - love - for me, for themselves, for each other (in some cases).
 
Our lives are inextricably linked - some through a shared and long history of stories woven into adulthood; others bursting into my life more recently with energy, vigour and a deep sense of meaning but none less or more important. All of them form the intricate web of my daily life, each of them bringing me back to me, back to them again and again.
 
But with such depth can, sometimes, come great sadness when we hurt - either on our own or collectively. Whether the hurt is with them or with something outside of us - it’s hurt nonetheless. But of all the hurts I think the most complicated is when you’re on the outside looking in. The feeling of losing something that’s so important to you - as our friendships are - and no amount of being there or showing up (however perfectly or imperfectly) can shift it. And you have to let it go - not the person but the belief that you can journey this with them because, at the end of the day, we’re all alone even if we’re altogether in that too.
 
That moment of letting go is never said more profoundly than in this quote from Life of Pi: 

 

“He left me so unceremoniously it broke my heart. I have to believe there was more than my own reflection staring back at me. I know it. I felt it. Even if I can’t prove it. In the end, I suppose, the whole of life becomes a letting go."
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