Aim high, ride easy, trust the Universe
Do you ever just react? Not a moment passes before you’re into the swing of things. Everything is happening and you only catch up with yourself sometime later?
Well I do and it happened today. I really don’t know where it came from, I still can’t explain what triggered the outburst but it was right there under the surface, it’s the only way I can explain that, within a nano second I was in pieces watching myself as pure emotion charged the situation.
As with anything, I guess, once the moment has passed, and invariably it is just a moment, I withdraw to lick my wounds and wonder what I was thinking; well clearly I wasn’t thinking! I’m not big on those type of moments - I’m far too measured and controlled to feel comfortable in the centre of crazy but there it is - there I was.
I think these moments just feel too raw; being in control and calm (sometimes even only on the outside) is safe-ville, a far cry from crazy-central! But what I do know is that it’s also just not always real.
This quote, from The Velveteen Rabbit, came into my stream of consciousness the other day and it made me stop to take in again.
“He said, “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand”
I like the concept that as we grow into ourselves the pretty exteriors or the facades are no longer of any consequence - it seems kind and gentle to believe that, as we grow we leave behind the nonsense and take only that which grows us. Becoming real is taking me a long time.