I think I'm ready for you...

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​Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a song with words kind of person - I find meaning in so many of them and just a tune can take me forward, or backward, in the stories of my life.

When I first heard this song by Black Coffee I was convinced the words were about the love of my life... words like:

"I need your voice to save me … I need the sun to kiss my skin .. wake up no time to go backward.. nothing to lose, I think I'm ready for you.

Honestly, I do. I think I'm ready for you..."

Beautiful words and I do feel like that about her, but since listening again - and again (I'm a bit like that) I now realise the person I'm finally ready for, is me. It's taken me time to get to know myself, my place - in my family, in my work, in this world and perhaps I could berate myself for that but what I know about everything is, it just takes time.

I used to look externally for affirmation, calm, fun, adventure, inspiration - and it's still all there - all of it - but I now know, I'm ready for me and the things I create and feel and do without the weight of worry about every single thing ... fear and dread were constant companions, I've said this before, and that led to a conveyer belt of anxiety that literally took me nowhere. A dear friend of mine once told me, many years ago, that the only time change - really change - is when our back is so far up against the wall that we have no where left to go - I've been there a few times the most recent in confronting anxiety and the true reality of it and how it was manifesting for me and the people who love me. It was time now.

I value and relish ALL of my loves for everything they continue to bring to my life, and hopefully mine to them, but I'm finally ready for me, whatever that looks like. 

We can't do it alone - that I also know sure (Thanks Oprah) because we need hand-holding and soft places to land and safe conversations without judgment - but when the chips are down, it's you and me baby, doing it for ourselves. Tell your story, tell it all, they will understand, you will be fine.

I love you. We can do hard things ...

Matilda the brave
Luna Lovegood...
 

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Sunday, 26 September 2021